Manners for kids: Don't only talk about them, communicate!

70% of human communication is non verbal. Remember that when communicating with your children!
Manners in 1701 - then school was teaching manners - Don't rely on that nowadays!

As parents, we know it is much easier for kids to pick bad habits than it is for them to keep the good ones. Children will always try to go to the edge of what we allow them to do to test the boundaries of their freedom. This is a very healthy process and it applies to good manners as to other elements of their daily life.

 

Non verbal communication of manners matters

We all know that in communication, -- 70% of what we communicate is non verbal--. What we do, how we say things, how we repeat them represents the majority of the information we provide to others, including our children. This explains the old adage, it is not what you say which matters, it is what you do. To be perfectly correct, it should also include "it is how you look, how you stand,..." and so on. this also explains why saying things is not enough, but communicating them is what counts.

 

You communicate good manners with what you do, what you say, and by showing it to the kids.

 

For all these reasons, my wife and I decided to do the game Don't Pick Your Nose so that the communication part of good manners is also done with pictures, through playing and via 3rd party role models (Ema & Tom) which, unlike us, never make mistakes. :-)

 

YOU are in charge of your kids manners. No-one else will do it for you as well as you can!

The other thing which is important is not to rely on school, church or any 3rd party to teach your children good manners: you are the first and most important teacher they will ever have. It is up to you to make it as good as you can. It is not realistic, and safe, to assume that any 3rd party, specially a teacher overburdened with 20+ kids, will have the energy and desire to teach your kids to read and write as well as teach them to say thank you. By the time kids go to school, they need to already have learned from you the basics of good manners. By default, what they will see at school will always be the lowest common denominator, a scary thing in today's world.

 

The game that you are looking at today is therefore done to be played by the parents with their kids. Over time, the children will play alone (and differently than when you are around), but the initial rounds, you should play it with them to put some context to the questions, and provide additional examples.

 

To complement the game, I would recommend a few things:

  • When asking a question, make sure that you ask your child the "What if you don't do it" question. |This will help them projecting themselves into a 3rd person feeling.
  • Ask your child after he has answer a question correctly if he can remember a time when he did not do it.
  • The painful one: ask your child to remind you when you do not respect one of the rule. This will get him/her engaged and will keep you honest.